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One of these days! One of these days I will actually write down my thoughts about Tales of Graces F, which I actually finished (unlike Tales of Vesperia, in which I am hopelessly lost, though at least Rita now has Tidal Wave which will make the rest of the game far easier).

In short: I like it, although there are several things it does not do well.

(i mean the romance aspect)
(also the music)
(and dungeon design)

Battle system is glorious, and pretty much every character is fun to play as, except for Malik, who I still need to figure out.


ahaha who am I kidding, I will never write this post.
I splurged. Bought the newest Kingdom Hearts, and then bought a 3DS XL because I didn't have a 3DS yet.

I'm not very far in yet, but I like it okay so far. Giant glaring TWEWY spoilers for anyone who still wanted to play that game, and they could have done more with those characters, but then again I'm a big fan of that game and more TWEWY will still not be enough for me. The battle system is a bit clunky so far, but that could also be attributed to the 3DS controls. Although for me, the 3D element feels superfluous. It just doesn't add anything.
My brain is slowly but surely getting eaten by No. 6. The light novels and the manga adaptation, that is. Not the anime, which is very pretty and... well, nice, I guess, but the characters just feel differently. And episode 11 was like WHAT. wat. wat. I think it's because there's so much of the monologues missing in the anime, which made a lot of scenes come off differently. Although I get why they couldn't animate it all, since reading about Shion spacing out every five minutes to wax eloquently about how pretty Nezumi's eyes are is different from reading it. All that said, I'm sad that Nezumi's Suou Tamaki impersonations aren't in the anime. Although they did give us an actual look at Eve, which was very nice.



May. 1st, 2012

Today I bought some new nailpolish from L'Oréal, which normally I think is too expensive, but it was on sale there, that explains at least half of Dutch culture: SALE, and I just tried it out and it is amazing: so smooth and it covers so well and the colour's really intense and aaah~

So basically this is just a post to say that now I understand why people are willing to pay ridiculous prices for good make-up.
...just had a panic attack when my mother told me i had to go enter the living room and introduce myself to my sister's university friends, and locked myself into the bathroom before bursting out crying

i don't know what my head is doing

i can't deal with the way my brain makes me feel


Feb. 23rd, 2012

The only thing about Glee 3x14 that I actually want to talk about (other than Cough Syrup being a gorgeous cover, well done DC) is this:

Do American people actually eat peanut butter right out of the jar? Really?

god that's disgusting

Like, I actually thought that peanut butter and jam sandwiches weren't actually real things because why. why would you put that anywhere near your mouth. except then i remembered that i sometimes eat chips on my bread, or krupuk, and that when i was younger i used to put lemonade syrup or fruit sprinkles in my buttermilk and double-salted liquorice makes most non-dutch people barf, so.

i built up a lot of rage today



The asexual awareness right now lies somewhere around society's knowledge of homosexuality circa '50-'60. No one talks about it. No one shows it. When mentioned, people react with disgust. When shown on television, it's always either a medical problem causing it or a lie (throwing judgmental looks in your direction, HOUSE) or it's sociopaths or giant nerds (why thank you for your enlightened portrayals, Sherlock and Big Bang Theory. Now go sit in the naughty corner for reinforcing stereotypes).

People tell us it doesn't exist. People tell us it's just a phase. People tell us we just need to try sex, then we'll get over these silly ideas. People tell us that we must be too ugly to get laid. People tell us to get raped, or to kill ourselves, or that we're mentally ill, or that we're not human. We're probably still in the DSM.

Don't you dare tell me that invisibility and medicalization aren't real problems.

My Christmas:

So apparently I lost weight? Not much - about two kilo but still. I wasn't actually planning on losing any, I'm perfectly happy with my weight. Like, maybe if some of the fat in my ass and thighs would be so kind as to migrate over to my boobs I would like that very much, even though I might lose being able to sleep on my stomach. Dilemma, dilemma.

Also found out that our traditional Christmas meal is actually REALLY traditional: apparently my mother's grandmother already made the same stuff. So I guess in the future my youngest sister will host all the Christmas dinners, or at least cook all the food since she and my father are the only ones other than my grandmother who know the recipe.

It was all pretty okay, actually! I managed to be downstairs with the rest of the family for most of one day without needing to flee the room and hole up in a corner somewhere, so. Progress, I guess. And my nephew is looking more and more like a preppy hockey player each time I see him (i.e. the Dutch stereotype of a field hockey player: popped collar, too-fancy dress shoes, too long slicked back hair).

Also there was stuff that made me scream. Stuff that I actually had to think about and write down so I could process my reaction to it and make sense of my feelings.

So I wrote this:

On Christmas Eve, after gettin teary-eyed at the All You Need Is Love Christmas special my brother turned to me and asked me why I got so emotional at watching the program and didn't make it want me a relationship of my own?

I shook my head, wondering why I always had to just keep coming out. I'd thought it a done deal. No one had ever mentioned to me that it was a process. That you have to keep doing it, that you have to keep validating your life to these people who profess just wanting the best for you and yet keep missing 'the best' by a mile.

'Oh,' my mother said brightly. 'She just hasn't found the right man yet.'

I wanted to muster up all the rage I knew I was supposed to feel at that. Wanted to scream at her that if I'd come out as lesbian she'd never have said something like that. Instead, all I felt was tired.

Re: Glee 3x06 Mash-Off

Ugh, I am on neither Team Finn nor on Team Santana. They were both awful during this episode.

Edit: because I'm apparently more ragey about Santana's bullying than Finn's outing her (mostly because I must admit that I'm almost uncomfortably vindictive when incredibly mad and that if someone had been bullying me the way Santana's been bullying Finn that, had I known something like that about the bully I wouldn't have just softly said it, I would have shouted it down the hallways, and not in Finn's words):

- Santana outed Kurt
- Brittany outed Santana at least two times (the 'sex is not dating' conversation and the 'playing for another team' conversation)

The only difference is that now some adult man thought it would be an amazing thing to use in his smear campaign, and that is not Finn's fault.

Also I'm apparently still not over Santana basically telling Rory to go kill himself. I just. Maybe if she ever apologizes for something I might be able to give a shit.

I mean, tumblr is all over this shit and OMG at least Santana isn't sexually harrassing people like Karofsky!

And I can't believe I'm saying this (god do I hate Karofsky), but at least he apologized and showed genuine remorse. I've yet to see Santana apologize for ANYTHING. Not for physically assaulting Quinn, Lauren (although to be fair they fought back and trying to pick a catfight with Lauren was basically the dumbest idea she's ever had), Rory and Finn, making racist remarks to Tina, ablist remarks to and about Artie, insulting Rachel, Mercedes, Sam and Kurt's physical appearance and actually calling both Lauren and Finn fat, the whole thing with enabling Brittany to cheat on Artie by lying to her, making homophobic remarks to/about Kurt, actually writing an insulting song about Sam and singing it IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE GROUP and, well, basically telling Rory to go kill himself.

She's never apologized for any of it.

And then I made a list of all the horrible things Finn's done and as far as I can remember, the only things he hasn't apologized for (yet) are his horrible behaviour to Blaine and his outing of Santana. And, well, obviously, getting his straight cis male privilege all over everything.

Mother of edit: Okay, spent some more time thinking about it and why I'm still far more angry at Santana than at Finn and, well, this led to some uncomfortable realisations about myself. Can't help but feel glad that my capacity for cruelty is held (mostly) in check by my brain not being wired for quick comebacks (even if it isn't hindered in the least by empathy).